Things we miss

We had a great Saturday. Eggs and pancakes for breakfast, then pool with a friend. Lucero finally has the courage to swim- without classes. I only had to make sure that this summer she’s in the water at least twice a week. Today, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujaaaah!! She started floating on her own (insert claps and jumping up and down here). I tried to act like nothing is happening until she came out of the water, and then I threw a party! Wooohoooo….

We had lunch, a small nap- that is me, not Lu, she was just busy waking me up every 8 minutes- then we went out again to bike at the playground with Lu’s same friend.

Tomorrow, we’ll spend the day with friends at the lake. This is our summer weekly ritual, whenever we’re in town. I made bread with herbs and cheese for our picnic. It’s exciting. I have another project for tomorrow, my little garden on the porch. Ayayyayyy!

I started reading a baby book on statistical mechanics. I need to learn the vocabulary of this subject, so I am reading an undergraduate introduction. That’s me catching up on what I missed while raising Lu. I have no idea whether I will ever be able to catch up.

O.K. (insert my name here) stop feeling bad you need to remember that it doesn’t matter! 

It’s Lu that matters.

She’s sleeping now, and I am out on the porch. I am watching the stars. I feel lonely, I miss the man I loved, I always have. He never does though, he is upset and mean with me, if he ever acknowledges me. I have to remind myself that he doesn’t care.  

Will I be fine?

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(Photo: Lu’s learning how to bike)

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